In just two months...

 

My little brother will say "I DO!"

 

Here in beautiful CO!!

photo credit

 

My mom, her BFF's and my soon to be sister at her shower last weekend

 

We can't wait for you to join our family!

 

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,  and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:6-9

^"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Just breathe...

The past couple of weeks have been probably some of the hardest I've faced during our bout of infertility so far. To the point where when talking to my boss, I lost it and she told me to take the rest of the day off. SO thankful for understanding and compassionate employers!
It started with another blood test to pull my progesterone to see if I ovulated after my second round of clomid {the same dosage as the first time}.

I got a call from my doctor with the results on a Wednesday morning.
      1. I never get called in the morning. It always seems to be right when they are closing, I miss the call and then have to wait all night and call back the next morning.
      2. This round of clomid made me LOCO ! coming off of it I thought I was losing my mind. Really, felt like I was outside my body watching myself, jittery, extremely anxious for no reason and super emotional. More so than I normally am.

The nurse said that this round I didn't ovulate. Same dosage as last time, ovulated then but not this time. Which means that after another expensive office visit to check and make sure no new cysts have formed, she will up my dosage. THAT'S what I am most upset about. Not the fact that I didn't get preggo this round, although it would have been nice, but the fact that I couldn't STAND how I felt on this low dose, and now I have to not only go thru it again, but it's probably going to be worse!

I just became this ball of emotion and it finally got to a point where I had to let it all out. It just so happened that I got the call right before I went to work. I walked into my store and lost it. On top of all this I decided to take the management position at our Dallas location, so I was sad about leaving the store I had literally been at since opening day. Lots going on.

this sweet friend came to visit me at work that morning and I lost it again! and again. and again, throughout the half day I was working.  Thanks M, for letting me vent!

So when I came home from work that afternoon, I let myself cry on my hubby's shoulder and laid down and took a 3 hour nap. Not kidding. 3 hours!

I know these probably won't be the hardest days I face. And maybe this incident made me realize it's not as simple as a pill sometimes. I just need to remember that it's ok for me to be upset and let it out. It's okay that I don't have it together all the time. It's okay if I need to just take a break from reality and take 3 hour naps. It's okay. Just breathe. Open up my heart, get on my knees, and cry out for help. One of my favorite songs during a dark time several years back was "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. I heard it for the first time in a long time on the way to church Sunday morning. I love it.

Bring The Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

 " I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

May my heart be after yours...

search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

special...

Last week was an emotional one. Lots of ups and downs but in the midst, we were blessed to be able to spend a 5 hour evening with this sweet family. Seriously, we went over for dinner and ended up leaving at 12:30. I felt bad, knowing they had two little ones that would be up bright and early, ready for mom and dad to play:)

You know that feeling when you look back on the past several months and think  "WOW, God really does put people in your life at specific times. No coincidence." Well, meeting this couple back a few months ago in a newcomers class at church {in fact, they were the only other couple that sat with us in the same circle of chairs that first Sunday} has led to a special friendship. The newcomers class has led to meeting their precious boys at lunch after church, texts and emails back and forth, and a wonderful evening at their house last week with discussions that went far deeper than I'm used to with  "new" friends. But can I tell you that for that reason alone, I know that a special relationship began to form. In fact, we left the husbands in the kitchen and plopped ourselves on the couch for a majority of the night.

There are things that were discussed that evening that I'm not ready to get into just yet on here. {I will probably one day in the near future, in hopes to maybe be a source of encouragement to others. But just not yet. }  and when we left, I felt  a sense of comfort and encouragement. This family is oh so special, and we met at just the right time in our lives. I am thankful and look forward to many meals and time spent with them.


She recently shared this verse in an email and it has been a great reminder that He is in complete control and knows my days:

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, Steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day. Habakkuk 2:3




We are truly blessed to have so  many special friends and family members in our lives.

on my mind...

This verse has been on my mind the past few weeks. I LOVE it. What's great is we've been studying Philippians at Church recently. I love when the Lord lays something on my heart, allows me to meditate on it and then follows it up with a message from Pastor Bob!

Philippians 2:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

love those that are hard to love

This passage in Matthew is one of our favorites {especially the hubs. I love that when we talk about the craziness in this world from politics, to different religions, to lifestyles that we don't agree with, he always speaks of this verse.}It's a reminder to us that everyone is a child of God and we are to show them His love. It's hard to love at times. There's a lot of hatred in this world. There's a lot of judgement and belittling. A lot of mocking and looking down on others. We all are guilty of it. I am a sinner and at times, know that I am hard to love. But we are no better than anyone else.

Matthew 5:43-48

New Living Translation

 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor 'and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.  If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.  If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.  But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

The Message

"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

it's funny...

It's funny how God can teach you things, even through the blogs of others. I've come across several posts in the past few days that are just what I needed to read/think about. From a dear friend's thoughts on truly loving people, even those we find hard to love, to reading a few verses on a couple of "virtual" friends' blogs about trusting in Him and knowing that we can rest in His love.

a few verses that have helped me through the past few days...

Deuteronomy 33:12 ----Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders. (NIV)

Romans5:3-5 ---- We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (NLT)

I've been needing to meditate on scripture and sometimes my thoughts get in my OWN way and I don't think I can hear what God is trying to tell me. Sometimes {like this time} I can't even pick a starting point or verse to just pray on. I'm too worked up or have tunnel vision and can't even recall a verse I've known for years. I hate it when this happens. I just need to remember Psalm 46:10 "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!" and know that in the stillness and quietness is where I will learn. Heck, I even have a plaque in my bathroom with that verse on it! I think I need to look at it more often.

Thank you all for sharing your hearts!

reminders...

Be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ~ Ephesians 5:15-17

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.~Philippians 2:1-4 {Our sorority's verse, that is to this day one of my favs!}

thinking about Easter...

" For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing"

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11